Note: Barbara will teach with us in Amsterdam! We are grateful to have her join us for our October workshops there, where she will be available to help you integrate your health issues and concerns with the tools you learn in the workshop.
This is my story of confidence. It revealed itself during the BE workshop in Italy this spring and now I am sharing it with you dear reader. I admit to having the same fear and lack of confidence that this story is about while writing this, but when I connect with the earth supporting me and sky inspiring me, I can let the words flow, and the story tell itself.
I am happy to feel aligned with confidence in my life—most of the time. I feel safe to travel around, admire the magical world and connect with other people, animals, water, mountains, trees and things I encounter along the way, and to breathe in and out freely. This feeling of safety and being accepted comes from my family, and I’ve also found it from the earth, as it supports me in every step I make, and the sky and stars that keep drawing out my dreams.
If I close my eyes and think of confidence, an image of my father pops out. His working hands—strong brownish hands—and a smile on his face, he seemed able to tackle any task around the house and garden you can imagine. He fixed things with an ease and joy that was contagious. Whenever something broke—car, bike, washing machine, fence, roof, you name it—he could mend it. If there was a mathematical task, if a neighbor, a friend, mum, my brother or I needed a hand, he was there. With a sparkle in his eyes and light around of focused attention, he would accomplished his task, confidently and with sobriety. It was like something bigger supported him. Earth and sky.
I guess some of this confidence and kindness came to me through him.
I chose to become a medical doctor, not really knowing why. I naturally want to help others in need. When I was a kid, if another kid was injured when we were playing, I cleaned and bandaged the wound and gave them a hug. I could do it with ease and love at the same time. I wasn’t afraid of seeing blood and damaged tissues. I could help with a confidence and calmness I cannot explain. That is why I became an emergency doctor, so that I could help and be with people in the worst moments, to act fast, with sobriety and calm to help a person out of danger. My intent, beyond offering treatment, is to mostly give comfort to others and be present as kind and loving human by their side… to hold their hand, listen, smile, and maybe help take the fear away in the scary environment of an ambulance or helicopter.
After ten years of being an emergency doctor, I realize that this is my deeper purpose…not only to ease pain, treat a wounded body and resuscitate hearts, but to give a smile, hold a person in one of their worst moments, give affection in the dark night and acknowledge and salute the spirit in a wounded or dying body—to see the spirit of a person and be beside them…that is my purpose. Today I feel the support of mother Earth and I know infinity holds me. It is my purpose. I am an expression of infinity, one who helps others to feel better, one who connects with others in a supportive, kind and loving way.
Confidence: A key of wellbeing. One aspect of this inside of me is the feeling that I can act with sobriety in every situation. I studied and practiced and trained for years to acquire medical knowledge and skills. Most of the books I read are medical books, and I dedicate a lot of time to study. It brings me joy.
About five years, I joined Being Energy. Connecting with Aerin and Miles and the family of BE people, my perspective widened, and my awareness grows. Like a tree, rooted in the earth that listens to the stars, aligned with the intent of infinity. I have found out that my purpose and confidence is not a matter of my ego, but something bigger, living inside and outside of me. I feel that infinity holds and the earth supports me. Being confident is to be aligned with the force that moves the world around us, and to acquiesce to what my come.
Now every time we rush in an ambulance or helicopter to the scene of an accident, I consciously inhale deeply through my feet upward for support from the earth, and open my heart and crown to align with the universe…and I pray to do it right and well and acquiesce and let infinity hold us.
Its hardest thing of all for me and also for other doctors is to take care of and to resuscitate a seriously ill or injured child. The immense stress and responsibility and fear of losing a child is scary and heavy.
A child is not just a small adult from the medical point of view. A child has a different physiology, different size and weight, different dosage of medicine…and as a doctor, you must be prepared, but there are some things that it isn’t possible to prepare for, and the fear of being responsible for a child’s life is so big that something bigger has to support it. I am here to do the best I know how, to do it in loving way and to be open for support.
It was an early Sunday afternoon on an ordinary busy day in our emergency department, when we got a call that one-and-a-half-year-old toddler had fallen from a second-story window and was laying on the road without signs of life. I felt a shiver go down my spine.
Fear squeezed my heart and brain for a moment… I remember as we were driving to the scene, I started praying for the child. I breathed in the breath from the earth, collecting confidence from the earth and let it travel through my body, through my lover discs to the heart and up to the brain. The breathing brings me to the here and now, and helps me connect to the feeling of trust and confidence. A trust in the universe and in something much bigger and a trust that it all will be ok, as it has to be. As we were driving to the child, something came to calm my mind and heart so that I could easily concentrate on things like calculating the child’s weight, proper dosages of medicine, etc.
We arrived at the scene, and I jumped out of car to the child lying on the ground. This moment was a moment of heightened awareness; it felt like there was a bubble of silence around me and the child,. I didn’t notice the noise of the crowd gathering around us or anything else; we were in a cocoon of light. The world stopped for the moment, and I saw the child breathing in and out, his heart still beating…he is alive…
Feelings of confidence and affection, acknowledgement of fear and trust all became very present at that moment. In the next minutes as we resuscitated the child, I felt the alignment of the universe and the intent that this child is going to live. We were so present, efficient, and the action went with ease and fluidity… we stabilized the child and took him to the hospital… And the child lived.