As a BE teacher, I often have to face all of my fears and insecurities when I begin to plan a class. I find myself asking: Who am I to be offering instruction to others in something so elusive and difficult to talk about as turning the wheel of time? How do we create a pause in the seemingly unceasing repetition of our own stories? How can I honestly stand before others when I really don’t understand anything myself?
Carlos Castaneda used to say that no one “understands” anything. A real understanding would require going behind or beyond the assumptions on which all attempts at understanding are based—something that we can never do because at the base of everything is pure mystery, the unknowable. It’s like the child who responds to every step of an adult’s explanation with “Why?” until finally his parent has to tell him that there is no “why” for some questions. However, even without understanding anything, we can handle and enjoy life and the world perfectly well; we can function wonderfully.
When I guide Being Energy classes or teach it to others, my only option is to suspend my own story—which includes plenty of self doubts about handling something that can’t be reduced to logic or reason—and let the spirit channel through me, even if only for a while. Under the pressure of my commitment to present something, I have to relax at some point and let ideas flow—what to emphasize, how to express it, what sequences of movements to do—and then connect to the energetic feeling that the movements and practices create. This is especially true when presenting the Code or guiding a recapitulation session. It is a complete mystery why the movements of the Code silence the mind, but I do experience that silence and I feel it as a direct connection between me and those who I am guiding, even when we are on different parts of the globe, communicating by Internet but also through our energetic link.
Recapitulating in a group is even more mysterious. If each one of us is reviewing his own distinct life experiences, what is the value of pursuing this as a group or class activity? For one thing, we are conditioned to the discipline of a schedule and an agreement to meet together, so the class format helps us take that initial step—just do it! Beyond this practical advantage, the group format helps create and reinforce a certain mood—of silence, of courage and determination to face ourselves without judgment. The suspending of judgment also applies to the act of recapitulation itself. Even when nothing comes to us as an experience worthy of recapitulation, we accept this without self-criticism and with a mood of curiosity and wonder. Even the most seemingly mundane experience we happen to remember can lead to discovery and self-knowledge.
The challenge of integrating our innermost core, the essence of our being, with our behavior and choices is not a goal against which we judge ourselves as winners or losers. It is a path, a process that continues throughout our lives. Everyone has doubts, and each of us loses the feeling of fluid energy and silence over and over. However, if we have tasted this energy and silence, we know how to find it and keep coming back, trying to go deeper and maintain this position longer.
By deciding to teach, you are committing yourself. You are choosing to put yourself on the line and rally your energy each time you lead others, even though you have no guarantees that you will succeed. When a class approaches and you feel lost, the commitment comes to your aid. It focuses your attention and activates your intent so that you can genuinely connect to the inexhaustible source of life and creativity. You stand before others not knowing exactly what you will say, but with a feeling of certainty that expresses itself in your voice, your eyes and your movements. And in that moment you have changed your story—you are someone or something else, an expression of the infinite.
What a great gift is this opportunity to share beauty of spirit with others!
Note: You won’t want to miss Being Energy’s BE Skilled! workshops and training programs this fall. Dive in on September 26th for Turning the Wheel of Time and on November 7th for The Crack Between the Worlds! Advanced registration required. We’d love to see you there. Aerin and Miles